On Why I Use a Walking Stick

Why I Use a Walking Stick (written originally for the MS Society blog)

Recently, my physiotherapist has encouraged me to try and increase my exercise routine. I used to go to hydrotherapy, but this is not running currently. This got me thinking about why I use a walking stick when out and about.

     It all started when I was still working. I used to be a nurse, and my final post was a community psychiatric nurse. One winter’s day, I was tasked with escorting someone to an important solicitor’s meeting in Manchester city centre. This person was really shy, and had difficulty understanding others, he used a lot of non-verbal communication to make himself understood.

     It was all going well until I parked up in the nearest available space. As soon as I stepped out onto the street, I suffered the familiar sensation of blurred vision, indescribable dizziness and a feeling that I MUST grab onto something to steady myself.

  Even when I was a child, I had a sensation that ‘tall buildings might fall on me’. I suppose this is an irrational fear, and some have suggested this is anxiety, but I don’t think it is.

    I must tell you that we did manage to make the appointment although I must have looked rather strange clutching onto walls, lampposts and traffic lights. This made me feel terrible in my role. I was meant to be easing another person’s worries by providing physical support, and I must have looked as though I wanted to crawl along on the pavement. I could not explain what was happening because of the communication barrier. The man clutched at his chest, appearing even more anxious himself. I knew then that I had to do something – this is when I started using a walking stick.

     The feeling I described earlier has worsened over the years. Although I do get blurred vision at home, it is manageable in familiar surroundings. Triggers to the problem for me are bright lights (such as fluorescent lighting in supermarkets reflecting on shiny floors). Wide-open spaces (such as the big field that dog walkers use near my house). Or the opposite – city centres with a dense concentration of tall buildings. Looking at the sky, and then back to straight in front of me causes it too. I think that this is something to do with moving clouds, the contrast in lighting and my eyes not catching up.

     I am told that optic neuritis is quite common in MS, eye problems were the first thing I noticed, and I have been treated for it several times in the past. An MS nurse once told me that the lasting results of optic neuritis can be spatial awareness. I would say this is true for me because I do sometimes think there is a step there when there isn’t. And again, sticks come in handy in this instance.

   The walking stick has helped me immensely over the years. I feel more confident when out and about. I have noticed that if I try and walk without it, I am very unsure, slow and looking for somewhere to sit or lean when I should be looking ahead of me at my destination. I believe walking with a stick acts as a visual marker in a crowded situation that I might become unbalanced if I don’t have space.

     A couple of things to think about with walking sticks: as a person who follows the advice of my physiotherapist, I am conscious not to hunch over the stick. Get it at the right height (most walking sticks are adjustable and there is an NHS page on how to use them). My physio is always advising me to ‘turn my stomach muscles on’ and so I actively do this when moving. If anyone asks me ‘why are you using a stick?’ I try and keep my answer short and sweet because strangers don’t need to know my life story. Accept that the walking stick can only do so much, I use a scooter for longer journeys – planning is everything.

     Ultimately, I wanted to write about walking sticks because I did feel self-conscious when I first started using them. Now I embrace it. I have many sticks in different colours and patterns to match what I’m wearing, and I keep them in the car and just by the front door. I think it is essential to make life easy for yourself, whatever your particular problem is living with MS.

Me at the big field – sunglasses always help!

Happy reading everyone, Samantha 🙂

PS I wrote these books ~

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07FQXFV6R

Physiotherapy Has Kept Me Going (even during #lockdown)

Hello everyone!

A while ago, I promised to start talking about my experiences of living with MS. The series of posts was going to be called ‘If You Love It So Much, Why Don’t You Marry It?’ *

However, this post is a positive post about how I have managed to keep going in the 15 years since diagnosis (so I have changed the title for this one).

I have been really lucky during the lockdown because my physiotherapist has adapted and is providing sessions by Skype. You might not think these work as well, but they do! One to one sessions prevent me from moving my limbs incorrectly (which I think can stop the exercise from working and sometimes can lead to aches and pains later). My physiotherapist has brilliant observational skills and can spot a slumped shoulder or a sagging hip – even from behind the screen. Anna has worked on my core, balance and strengthening muscles that (I think) will help me keep on my feet. I can’t tell you what the exercises are – I am writing this post to tell you my experience that physiotherapy has worked for me more than anything else.

Poor motivation has been a real problem for lots of people I know during the lockdown, including me but physiotherapy has kept me going. I have got a few bits and pieces of gym equipment at home because I use the advice I have been given each month and do a bit of physio-designed exercise every morning.

Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com

Look there is a picture of me doing my exercises! (NOT REALLY LOL!)

I haven’t taken any photos obviously during my remote appointments with my physiotherapist, Anna because I am busy paying attention and moving my limbs…

 

SP Therapy Services in Bury town centre. If you live in the Bury area and have a neurological condition, I think SP Therapy Services can really help you.

I usually attend Hydrotherapy once a week, this has really helped, my physiotherapist put me on to this. I can’t even swim and am not confident in the water but the benefits far outweigh the… I don’t know how to describe it actually – I think I am frightened of letting go of the side and lying on my back. However, lots of people told me that I seemed much better for trying hydrotherapy. And I am actually missing it!

I used to do seated yoga for people with mobility problems that was really good. Obviously, these activities are not on at the moment because of lockdown. Better to be safe.

During the time I have had MS

Strategies to manage the condition have popped up. And, at times I have been asked why I’m not taking CBD oil (because it doesn’t treat the symptoms I have). Or, why I am not following a strict diet… I have nothing against nutrition therapy, good for you if they work. I did try the diet and I felt great for a short period. Then I had several really bad relapses including the one that made me lose my job. That is just what happened to me.

Instead of being told what I should do, I want to ask something:

Are you doing physiotherapy?

Physiotherapy is the one thing that has consistently kept me going for the past fifteen years. When I started going to the physiotherapist that I still attend now, I could not bear to lift my head up straight without a sensation of hot pins and needles shooting through my neck. Because my head was permanently slumped to the side, this affected my posture. The knock-on effect of this was a nasty, achy pain just under my left collar bone. Although there is no cure for MS, I have been cured of pain in that specific part of me. But there are always little niggly things that crop up because of my condition. Blurred vision and sensitivity to light can affect my posture because I hide from the light. I am slightly weaker on one arm and one leg. I can’t stand up for long, I feel like I need to lean on something or sit down (urgently). I walk with a stick outside because I feel like I need something to lean on. I feel dizzy in wide-open spaces. Too much distance and I use a scooter. The benefits of physiotherapy are longterm. They are not a quick fix but for me, this works better than anything else.

I don’t mind putting a bit of work in to stay well because:

Before MS, I used to run ten miles per week.

I started running during my late twenties to try and improve my health. I was surprised how well I took to it, although I never saw much of a speed improvement I did feel better after a run. However, I was diagnosed with MS just before my thirtieth birthday and everything changed. I didn’t stop running immediately but I noticed that I didn’t get the ‘good feeling’ after a run anymore. Plus I fell over a few times. Cut my knee and wet myself. When I started to try and find a way to look forwards, I searched for a way that I could physically move – to make myself feel better. Physiotherapy has achieved this for me (even though I am shattered afterwards and have a lie-down!)

I have never had much stamina. I remember growing up I always felt weaker than all the other children in school. PE in the 1980s included ‘picking teams’. I was always picked last.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I couldn’t catch I couldn’t throw and I wasn’t much better at running. I was a weakling!

Then, during my twenties, I had multiple periods of sick leave from work. I was a staff nurse and then a ward sister. It seemed I picked up every bug going. I cringe now at having to ring in sick. It was embarrassing and eventually, I was asked ‘Is there a problem?’ The only problem was, I think stress was playing a part in my poor health. Nursing can be a great job…

Photo by Joshua Mcknight on Pexels.com

It can also be a physically draining job.

Now I don’t have a job, I was retired on ill-health in 2014. But I have an occupation. Number one is keeping myself as well as possible. I cannot thank my physiotherapist for all the help over all the years.

Number two is writing… I write this blog and I write books. I am an independent author with eight titles available on Amazon. If you want to find out a bit more about that then sign up for my mailing list: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/d0q2h7 or follow this blog!

Thank you for reading this post on my experience of living with MS, I think next time I talk about MS I will talk about why I use a walking stick. Happy reading and stay safe, Samantha xx

*The reason for the title ‘If You Love It So Much, Why don’t You Marry It?’ is I am not keen on being asked questions about MS when I am socialising. It does my head in. You wouldn’t ask someone who’s got asthma if they are still taking their inhalers, would you? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care who knows I’ve got MS and I don’t mind being asked how I am, as you would ask anyone.  BUT stupid questions about ‘How does my scooter fit in my car?’ and ‘Are you on benefits?’ I find intrusive and are not helpful!

 

I wrote these books

If You Love It So Much, Then Why Don’t You Just Marry It?

Hello Everyone!

For a while now, my gorgeous grown-up daughter and my life-saving physiotherapist have encouraged me to write about my experience of Multiple Sclerosis. I ALWAYS do what my physiotherapist tells me to (more about physio in a later post). And I usually do what my daughter says.

As I don’t know if my daughter is OK with me mentioning her (and I can’t be bothered messaging her at work) here is a photo of Gorgeous Daughter and me. (Her face is a bit blurry because she is laughing at something I said).

I’m not entirely sure where to begin and have given these posts a great deal of thought. I was diagnosed with MS in 2005 just before my 30th birthday. When I think about it, I had symptoms prior to that, as far back 1989 when I was 14 years old.

During this time, yes, I have learnt a lot about Multiple Sclerosis. But I have also learnt a lot about people. You won’t hear me moan about, or mention that I have MS on social media. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to sometimes. It just means that the best way, the only way I have of dealing with MS, is to largely pretend I don’t have it. The things that people say, and sometimes how they have acted has done my head in (more than MS sometimes). And so, unfortunately – here is my starting point.

Sometimes, I think… if you love talking about MS so much, then why don’t you just marry it? (I am doing a massive eye roll now, and I know some of you are with me).

I use social media a lot because I write books I think you know what’s coming next… COVID-19 Coronavirus. Social media has proper done my head in today. Apart from the blamey posts about consumerism (made me feel like crap and I don’t buy owt anyway). And the countless toilet roll stories, I have also seen a few ‘low immune system’ posts. It is scary, scary times. I know we all have something to say, so do I…

NO ONE IS SPECIAL we are in this together. TODAY, 16th of March 2020, there is NO current advice for me and my MS diagnosis to stay indoors (the advice is the same as the next person unless you are on certain medications – see link above).

Sunday is Mother’s Day in the UK, and bless my 85-year-old dad he has messaged me asking if I’ll still be able to go to the meal he booked for my mum (because he’s such a sweet person). I said yes, as long as my sister doesn’t blow on her food ‘to cool it down’.

Now, if you are looking for some advice about Coronavirus and MS, then I’m sorry I’ve wasted your time. You’d be better off looking at the UK Gov. website HERE or, the MS society

More blog posts about living with MS (including one I have been asked to write for the physiotherapy service I use) coming as soon as I write them.

I would be interested to know if anyone thinks I should message my sister, to ask her not to blow on her food at the family meal on Sunday (she won’t read this blog).

Live your life, stay safe, stay well. Keep calm and carry on.

Sam xx

Samantha Henthorn is the author of the Curmudgeon Avenue series and other books.

 

On Achieving a Distinction in The Creative Writing Module of My Degree.

Hello everyone, and thank you for joining me on my monthly ‘writerly ramblings’ blog post., (yes I made that word up!)

Yesterday, I was thrilled to bits to receive an overall score of 82% in the creative writing module of my degree. I have no words, I have regained my self-worth.

Achievable, I would say because I am studying with the Open University. The teaching and support is first class. I don’t need to leave my house. I only work when I feel up to it, (I have to pace myself ALL the time because of fatigue). I can turn the computer off if I get a headache, or if my eyes start hurting, and so on. I won’t go on about MS, you won’t meet two people who have the condition with the same symptoms, and impetuously worded conversations around it can become rather tiresome.*

When I was forced to give up nursing six years ago due to having MS, I went through a very difficult time. This is part of my (non-fiction) story.  When I started writing ‘full-time’ an ex-colleague commented ‘If you can do that, why can’t you still work?’ Not the case, and not the point either, it was not my decision to leave work, and it was not my fault that I have this chronic condition.

You can see why I am nervous about celebrating my good news, but the point I am trying to make is, this is me now. There is hope, it is possible to dig yourself out of a hole, and if you happen to be reading this post because you have searched ‘writing inspiration’ then I am saying to you ‘JUST GO FOR IT’. Writing will give you SO MUCH.

Writing for me is not just a case of my legs don’t work like they used to so now I have to do something different. I write because I love it. I love reading, I love escaping into a different world and I love that I can write and escape into another world too. And I am studying writing because my husband (correctly) suggested ‘why don’t you learn your trade?’

I write because it feels like this is what I should be doing.

Getting a good result has been an added bonus, I have learnt so much during this module which will hopefully feature in further blog posts – in particular, that ‘writing what you know, doesn’t mean writing what you know (about)’. That blew my mind, and I was very pleased to learn it. I don’t think J K Rowling knew about how to be an eleven-year-old wizard, and Stephen King did not know how to be a menstrual teenager but they still wrote about what they could see, smell, taste, imagine etc – this is what you know – AS A HUMAN.

On reflection, I have learnt that I am ‘safe’ in my writing style, this is what I’ll be working on next – although I cannot promise any sex scenes in my series Curmudgeon Avenue!

* I must also add to why I am able to ‘achieve’; I am in a good place, I have an amazing, supportive husband not only in what he says but he makes life easy for me. Doing the shopping, the garden, walking the dog, anything. My daughter is the funniest person I know and, she has grown up! She has a fab job and lives with her lovely boyfriend. (in other words, I don’t have small children to look after!)

This is the Curmudgeon Avenue series

 

Happy reading and writing everybody! Samantha xx

PS, the picture is from WordPress’ free photo library, I have a while to go before I graduate. 🙂

A Few Words on Self-Editing, Mistakes and Muscles.

Hello everyone and thank you for joining me on my monthly ‘writerly’ type blog post. This month, I am reflecting on self-editing, this is not a blow-by-blow guide, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Me, as a reader is the same person as me the writer, I don’t have different hats or faces. Maybe I should though… I read voraciously, and have entered the self-publishing party – I would say the majority of what I read is independently published. When I first started looking into publishing back in 2016 I did a fair amount of research. I read a book where the word ‘fifty’ had been written as ‘fivety’ (I’ve change this a bit so to not identify anyone) and spotted various other mistakes, none of these put me off the book I was reading. Actually some of the authors I started reading in 2016 are now very successful. Even in traditionally published books, I quite enjoy spotting a mistake. Did this set a standard though? I shouldn’t judge my writing by my own reading. Most readers don’t like to see mistakes (and rightly so).

When I wrote my first self-published book, Piccalilly, I initially put it out there ‘just to see what it was like’ I was testing the waters. Don’t get me wrong, I put great care into this story, especially as it was loosely based on my mum’s side of the family. I foolishly relied on the spell checker on the self publishing platform, after all, I was just testing the waters… but before I had the chance to make myself a celebratory cup of tea… a two star review popped up on Goodreads. Oh I know that on Goodreads this means something like ‘It was OK’ and yes, authors are putting themselves out there but this was my first ever review, although it wasn’t even a review it was a rating. No words to give me a clue as to why my first ever book had failed so miserably. At the time I had decided that my way of working would be to read the book on my Kindle in order to spot the mistakes. I don’t do that now. I finished my celebratory cup of tea, dusted myself down and re-read my own book. I found a few mistakes (and I mean a few) which I amended. I’m not changing the story though. Piccalilly was given a ‘Y’ at the end, because this was my nana Lilian’s nick-name and a new cover. It’s had seven five star reviews now phew!

I do it to much (sic). Identifying common mistakes is something that I should take my own advice about. I blame my fast fingers on the typewriter – oh I was a whizz in Mrs Hickson’s typewriting lessons. That was in the late 1980s though, things have changed with me. It’s my own stupid fault for pretending I don’t have MS… prone to the odd finger slip, too many times!

When I wrote ‘1962’ I enlisted the help of my dad. The book had been influenced by his love of cycling, plus he was alive in the year 1962 I was not. Yes, his knowledge of cycling in the 1960s was priceless. Dad is a person who likes to be told, not shown when reading a book, that is the opposite of how it should be. Months of me acting as the rebellious daughter showing rather than telling and Dad changing his mind about what happened in the 60s , I finally had finished the book (and that’s only half the story about things that got in the way with that one!) I’m not saying never work with a family member, but Dad has now told me that he never ever wants anything to do with my writing ever again! (He has read the three books I’ve published since 1962, however, phew!)

I’m in ever such a rush to write all the books I want to write. I need to slow down though. During the past few months, I have noticed that I have become increasingly scatter-brained. This has only resulted in silly mistakes. I have an irrational fear (hopefully) that I am starting with the cognitive decline associated with MS. I worry that I will wake up tomorrow in the worst cloud of brain fog and never recover. I can’t even read on temporary days like this. Spreading myself too thinly though is not the correct way of managing this problem.

It’s all good fun – until you trust one of those popular grammar software things. In my second book in series of the Curmudgeon Avenue series ‘The Harold and Edith Adventures’ I had wanted to say that my character Edith was up and down with her moods. One minute she was happy, the next her husband Harold entered the room and she was miserable… Anyway, I wanted to use the word ‘lability’ (constant changing of mood) and here was my mistake, this word was taken from the discourse community of psychiatric nursing; my former occupation. Spell checker or Grammarly or something changed this to ‘labiality’ (lips), and I believed it… It wasn’t until, six months later that a superstar reviewer noticed this, and sent me an email (A blog worth looking at here Against the Flow Press.) I was so pleased, she could have just left it and not bothered to tell me – I’ll be eternally grateful for her time. It was a hilarious blooper though. I’m still laughing about it now that Edith’s labia were available on Amazon for at least six months!

There is hope. The more you write, the better things get, and the more work you put in getting yourself ‘out there’ in the big wide world of books, the more people you’ll cyber-meet and they will be willing to help you. That said, you have to do things your own way, me for example, I can’t justify spending £1000 on an editor. Don’t take my advice, that’s my advice!

A final word on mussels. Mr Henthorn will do anything for me. He has, however been avoiding the idea of proof reading my books for me. That’s OK with me. The other day, he had promised to make me a delicious and romantic seafood linguine for our evening meal. I messaged him during the day to ask if we needed anything taking out of the freezer? Here is the single word reply I received:

‘Muscles’ xxx (!)

Join me same time next month for another ‘writerly’ rambling. Happy self-editing everyone! Samantha xx

 

 

My Routine! My Writing Routine!

Before Christmas, I met with Business Mentor expert Carl Bradshaw, available on Twitter at @CarlBradshaw (he has a fancy business name I think but this was they easiest way for me to mention him.) We spoke at length about routine and he also suggested blogging a ‘writerly’ type post every month. So here I am, in the third of this series I am blogging about writing routines!

This is what I do, and I’m only sharing this to make the point that finding out what works for you is a great way of managing your time and producing results. And by results, I mean books!

I do wake up fairly early. I have more energy in the morning, my husband gets up early and we have a dog and two cats. I have a quick scan of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to see if there is anyone interesting to follow, any books that catch my eye, and occasionally to pop something on about my own books! (Why not? We all do it!)

Then I write a list of things I want to work on later. 

The above list is very important. In the morning, I have my ‘thinking head’ on. If I don’t complete my list, no problem it goes on the next day’s list. Then, and this is relevant to me personally, I spend some time on the programme my physiotherapist put together for me. I visit SP Therapy Services in Bury once a month at least this helps keep me ‘well’ enough to write.

Then I have a rest.

This is important to replenish energy and get me ready for the big event. Between the hours of one and three on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday is my writing time. Two hours may not sound like much but last November, for example, I got down a 50,000 word draft of book number three of the Curmudgeon Avenue series. I consult my list, which might include working on my Open University degree in Creative Writing, working on the next chapter, writing a blog post, or reviewing a book that I have finished reading.

Then it’s the end of the day!

Although I work from home, it is important, for lots of different reasons to stop writing/working change position and do all the other things that I haven’t mentioned. I try and keep any socialising to the weekend (without overdoing it, of course!)

 

Just to say

I am able to write full time because I had to give up nursing because I’ve got MS. It is a full time job on its own managing this. It has taken me years after I retired, for lots of different reasons to get into this routine, sometimes life gets in the way, for example, next week, I have three appointments during the week that will wear me out and stop me from writing. But I am in a better place, when I started writing , I was waking up during the  night, creeping downstairs and writing then. Now I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but it wasn’t right for me.

It was Roald Dahl that gave me the idea.

A few years ago, I watched a documentary about Roald Dahl. His wife said that he would lock himself away from 10am until 4pm every day and write. So it’s not just me recommending routine!

How do YOU do it?

Fellow writers! Today I am interested in time management, and I only have thirty minutes to be interested before I have to go out. How do you do it? I’m in a weird position, just over four years ago I had to give up nursing because I have MS. Now, I manage my symptoms well but this takes a lot of time. For the first two years of retirement, I was inundated with people popping around to visit. Sounds nice? Well, without sounding ungrateful, because I had up to ten visits per week this meant that I didn’t have time to look after myself, or… what I am getting to I didn’t have time to write. Move on to 2018, I am now doing a degree in Creative Writing and have published three books (soon to be four), the people that are in my life now understand and are flexible. But! I am struggling to find the time to write. Reason being, some of my week is spent doing physical therapies, and having allocated rest times. Now, I am the token ‘helper’ and marketing executive of my husband and mine’s woodfired pizza business. Although this has been good, physically, I am finding it hard. I still feel guilty if I am too tired to go to things that I used to do, but I’m too tired to move by 7pm. Or having to say no to people. Sometimes I am convinced that my body will not catch up with my brain, that I have too many ideas and not enough energy. I have thought about going to a specific place to write, such as a café or a pub! For now though, while I’m hoping to get finish the next in the series of my next books ‘Curmudgeon Avenue’ I think I will just have to be stricter with my routine. Interested to know how other writers cope with writing/life balance?

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Drainers

Drainers

 

Who pulled my plug? Who turned my light off?

Two days of darkness just from one day’s work.

Moving trough concrete, life should be easy.

Someone’s at home, but the lights are all out.

A draining conversation in the pool, about world news.

Skull in a vice grip, inside sounds like a broken fridge.

Every second and every day has to be paced.

Who drained me? Do you want to swap? No?

Well shut up.

copyright Samantha Henthorn 2017

 

Eyeliner

 

Eyeliner

The hallway frames the front door of my home.

Guarding me from well wishers, I need to be alone.

Seasons, styles or Saturdays, there is always eyeliner,

bold black wings from cut price to designer.

I woke the other day, robbed of my right hand.

Sudden stolen senses are hard to understand.

War paint frames my face, I’m ready for the world.

Without eyeliner, I look a different girl.

Blurred vision, a thousand texts becoming unbearable.

In her telephone voice, she tells me I ‘look terrible’

Healing time and patience all fall into place,

I’m faking being well with eyeliner on my face.

Samantha Henthorn copyright 2015.

Photo courtesy and owned by my beautiful daughter.

I love eyeliner, if my hands were working, I would be able to put it on like the photo above. I wrote this poem a couple of years ago, and it was accepted by the editor of MSmatters magazine, as yet they have not put it in print (even though they promised me it would be in the spring edition). Instead of spending time e-mailing them to chase it up, I’ve decided to blog it. The poem did appear in the Bury adult education/libraries anthology and exhibition last year, of which I was most proud.

Happy Wednesday, Samantha

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Procrastination of a Compulsive Scribbler

 

Sorry, it’s a long one!

When I started this blog, I had big plans – I still do but I am finding that I don’t have enough time to read and comment on everything I want to (who does? Your eyes would be all over your face!)

This week, I’ve been procrastinating. I had a bit of a software meltdown but am getting there with the book. I’ve got MS everything takes me twice as long to do, I’ve got no energy. My husband does loads around the house, shopping etc but out of some warped fear of losing control I secretly try and do everything. Except it’s not secret because I drop stuff. Last week I had a smashing time with one of those fancy bowls, and a rogue pair of garden shears fell and punctured a can of beer (check me out – I can’t open the under the stairs cupboard without beer flying everywhere!) Wednesday I went to hydrotherapy – which is swimming with a physiotherapist (not the same thing as swimming with dolphins) I forced myself into my tracky pants and set off home, in the lift I felt all funny, the ‘whoosh’ of getting to the bottom floor made me dizzy, why did I feel funny? Turned out I had left my walking stick upstairs, there ensued a frantic search, a lifeguard’s dinner break was interrupted, I was fussed over ‘sit down, are you alright?’ My stick was in the toilet cubicle, how embarrassing! When I got home, I found I was tidying up, sorting things out so that I could have a clear head to write my next essay for my degree, on the Benin bronzes (BTW the next person who asks my why history is covered on a Creative Writing degree is off the Christmas card list, after being swiftly referred to the Open University module leader) . So after a day of procrastination, the following day produced no first draft of that essay either… (before you read the next bit, please be reassured I love my daughter loads, but she’s not a morning person)

Daughter : ‘Mummy! Mummy! I need change for the car park!’

Me : ‘I’m on the loo’

Daughter : ‘I need it now, I need to go to college!’

What I wanted to say : ‘You are twenty years old, you are a trainee accountant, please try and be a bit more organised!’

What I said : ‘Ok I’m coming, it’s alright, I went to the loo yesterday!’

When I got downstairs, I found daughter (same person who needs to leave RIGHT NOW) playing with puppy Martha, who had been playing outside rolling in mud. Sort puppy out, go back upstairs (I’m bursting now). In the bathroom, daughter is turning her eyebrows into twins – not sisters.

Daughter : ‘get out! I’m in here’

When she goes downstairs, I hear her shouting ‘Why did you buy sparkling water?’

What I said : ‘because I like it!’

What I said under my breath : ‘When are you moving out?’ (I don’t really want her to)

She sets off, I go downstairs to find all my tidying up/procrastination from the previous day ruined.

What really happened : Daughter was looking for non sparkling water bottles, and accidently dropped one bottle, plus packets of crisps were mysteriously strewn across the floor.

What I imagined happened (in a Victoria Wood style spoof documentary) : Daughter : ‘What I like to do when my mum has been on one of her OCD  tidying days, is ruin it, just for fun… crisp packets on the floor… no still water I like, so I’ll wipe my mum’s off the shelf… It’ll give her something to do! …

Later on, I thought I had a tummy bug (just a few sentences of essay had been written by this point)… husband comes home early… he has a tummy bug too! This has never happened before… In all the years I’ve known him… and we’ve never been ill at the same time… on checking Daughter, she is fine, although a bit dehydrated (only joking, she’s capable of buying herself a drink). Could it be the romantic meal he took me out for on Valentines day? Are we allergic to oysters? Does it take two days to come out in your system? No, we’ve decided to blame Martha puppy and her jumpy lick your face habit. Eww.

The flowers are from husband to me, he had dropped them off earlier in the day at the place we were eating, so that I would get a nice surprise when I arrived. Aww, I asked him why, he said ‘you like cheesy things like that’ … Awww…

I got a fab review on Amazon for my only book currently on there, this has encouraged me loads.. plus I got my results from my last essay 78% check me out with my writing flukery! (must stop making words up)

I promise to get round to writing… next week! Off to do a bit of reading now, plus one of the cats is meowing angrily at the back door…

Happy writing, Samantha